Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Fable of the Corpuscles

Fable of the Corpuscles

This story (or fable) is well known by most.
I’ve heard it repeated from coast to coast.
It involves two corpuscles, red to be sure.
Whose daily rewards had little allure.

Their home, by the way, was in the blood of a horse.
And their movement was dictated by a pulsing course.
Life didn’t seem lonely, if the thought may be interjected
‘Cause they met quite often where the vessels intersected.

Passing opposite their friend in a separate vein.
They would greet each other by the other’s first name.
“Hi, Joe.” “Hi, Moe” “Hi, Joe.” “Hi, Moe” “Hi….”
Alas, there was never much time for a proper goodbye.

But the monotony of their circuit soon became clear
It was no fun repeating it year after year.
Deciding to change streams and trading their niches.
They succeeded quite handily in making the switches.

Much happier, now, that their lives were reversed,
They went their opposite ways, the other now first.
“Hi, Moe.” “Hi, Joe.” “Hi, Moe.” “Hi, Joe.”
That’s precisely how their new schedule would go.

The new route worked goodly for quite a long while
You would see them passing and flashing a smile.
“Hi, Moe.” “Hi, Joe.” “Hi, Moe.” “Hi, Joe.”
They were immensely pleased by the opposite flow.

But then it happened quickly, without any sign.
Their health took a dive, and they were dead by nine.
You may wonder what happened to cause their demise.
I’ll tell you frankly, I don’t profess to be wise.

Well, I expect you’re waiting patiently for the end of this poem
Believe me, my dear friends, I too want to go home.
The moral of this fable is readily clear, of course
Never, NEVER, change streams in the middle of a horse.


Click here to view novels by A. E. Lawrence

Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group

Monday, October 3, 2016

Coke Brothers Choir




Coke Brothers Choir






The Characteristics of Moonrose

The characteristics of Moonrose
by
A. E. Lawrence

There was love on her lips but levity in her eyes.

She could become your friend in three seconds flat.

Her sense of compassion, on occasion, did not preclude herself.

A surely glance gave token warning of her boredom.

She considered her newfound maturity reconciliation to its limitations.


Her mouth fell open in glorious surprise.

Flesh on her shoulders anticipated an improbable caress.

She was vexed beyond any reasonable endurance.

A disloyal cell in her brain dared refute an established opinion.

Her frown was a microsnit short of a snarl.


The reflective surface of her mind hid no illusions.

Her all-but-perceptible nod was no more than a promise.

She looked back to when she could anticipate the future.

Her compulsiveness kept sanity at bay.

The feeling of jubilation evaporated, and her smile followed suit.

She bore her chastity as she would tight-fitting shoes.

Rampant wishes held contemptuous her wonts.

Her warm, impish smile radiated like a winter hearth.

She sidestepped inelegance with exquisite aplomb and grace.

Malicious skepticism was her daily vitamin.

She dressed by a calculated formula of dishevelment.

One eye was bright with approval, the other narrow and probing.

Her transgressions were fraught with aspirations.

She was consistently inconsistent in her own opinion.

Although she thought young thoughts, she felt old feelings.

Her dry stare gave mute testimony to a premeditated indifference.

She was truly ignorant of her own beauty.

Her you-can’t-see-my-teeth smile foreclosed argument.

A wedge of fraudulent concern caught her by surprise.

Her emotions were beached on a far, gray shore.

Her dream-tattered faculties slowly accepted another day.

The corners of her mouth drifted toward approval.

Her rich, breathy voice floated on the air like a warm, tingly mist.

She learned to savor her femininity as though it were a last meal.

Her fit of indignation demanded curtain calls.

Loving two boys muddled her keen sense of ownership.

Her stiff, thin smile cut a mean swath of rebuttal.

She gazed dim and musing, contemplating her own demise.

Her lower lip twitched furtively, forecasting a smile.

She was swept up in a maelstrom of contradicting truths.

Her self-admonishment lacked an appreciative audience.

The effect of her scowl was puny compared to its intent.

Her chin was unlimbered, ready for battle.

She was still smarting from the melodrama of her ill-fated ardor.

She could be like anyone else but that it entailed change.

Click here to view novels by A. E. Lawrence

Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Snake in the Pot.

The Snake in the Pot   

There once was a poor snake that found an old pot in the middle of the field and made it his home.  After being homeless for so long, he reveled in being able to curl up in his pot during bad weather and at night and hiss and hiss and hiss to his heart’s delight.
Now that he had a pot to curl up in, he went about each day joyfully looking for food and frolicking whenever the mood hit him.  This went on day after day, week after week.  And the best part was that when he got home after a day out in the field, he could curl up in his pot and hiss and hiss and hiss to his heart’s delight. 
The snake had never been happier in its life.  Nothing was more satisfying than to curl up in his pot and hiss and hiss and hiss to his heart’s delight.
Then one day when he came home from looking for food and frolicking, he discovered that his pot was gone.  He looked and looked everywhere but, alas, it was nowhere to be found. 
The poor snake was beside itself with grief.  With no pot to live in, he was forced to sleep out in the open during bad weather and at night, again.  And because he didn’t have his pot to return to, his forays for food weren’t as satisfying and he never frolicked anymore.
But perhaps the worst aspect of being homeless, again, was the fact that he was so poor that he didn’t even have a pot to hiss in.



Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group



Friday, May 13, 2016

Legend of the Willow

Legend of the Willow

In the summer of 1957, two brothers were playing along the southern shore of Lake Erie when they came across a metal urn half-buried in the clay cliff.  Thinking the urn was made of gold, they took it home and hid it in the attic while they tried to figure out what they would do with it.  The urn had a sealed lid, and the lid had a strange writing on it that didn’t look like any language they had ever seen.  Curious yet fearful of what might be inside, they couldn’t decide what to do.  But a few days later, they finally pried the cover off.
Inside were dozens of golden plates with more of the strange characters on them.  To play it safe they took the urn to a pawn shop to see how much they could get for the gold.  However, they were disappointed to learn that the urn wasn’t make of gold.  In fact, the man at the pawn shop wasn’t able to tell them what the material was.  They figured if the urn wasn’t make of gold, then plates weren’t, either, and none of it was worth anything.  So they put the urn and plates back in the attic.  And when the house was sold several years later, the brothers had forgotten about their false treasure.
In 1986, the owner of the house was cleaning out the attic when he came across a small, wooden box with the urn inside.  He, too, thought it and the plates were made of gold.  However, when he discovered the truth, he became fascinated by the strange writing.  Doctor Antinow was an anthropologist and suspected that the characters could very well be the language of an ancient society.  To prove his premise, he took the urn and plates to a colleague who was a symbolist.  And the symbolist, in turn, solicited the help from an ethnographer.  Together, the three doctors worked on decoding the characters and finally got results when they entered the information into a high-speed computer.  However, the results were so bizarre that they didn’t publish their findings for several years, fearing that the scientific community would claim that it was all a fraud.
Finally, in 1990, Dr. Antinow submitted the findings to a select committee that reviewed the work and ultimately certified that the writings, though not absolutely proven, was most likely the language of a lost civilization that had inhabited the southern shore of Lake Erie about 17,000 years ago.
With that endorsement, Dr. Antinow published the following paper:

Approximately 17,000 years ago, an ancient civilization flourished on the southern shores of Lake Erie, somewhere between Cleveland, Ohio and the small town of Vermilion.  According to the records they left behind, their clan consisted of about 15,000 members.  The name of their chief was Ja-Nan-Pol-Seeki (which translates roughly to Grand Ruler), but for the sake of this article, we’ll call him Ruler Seeki.  His wife’s name was Doon-bon-Ril (she who lays with Ruler), but we’ll call her Queen Ril.  And their daughter’s name was Didi-Onsa-Tioo-Ra (the fairest flower of the Land), who we’ll call Fairest Flower.
Another notable name of our story is Molo-Molo-Cal-Ti (the strongest and fastest worrier of the People), who will be known as Fast Runner.
  Our story begins on the day Fast Runner was to wed Fairest Flower.  She had been courted by many men of the tribe but, when Fast Runner proclaimed that she would be his bride, no one was of a mind to challenge him.  Although she was ambivalent about marrying him, she accepted the demand of marriage to please her father, Ruler Seeki, who felt that it was time for her to move out of the palace.
The villagers had worked for days preparing for the nuptials and all was ready for the festivities.  Fast Runner was robed with garlands of flowers and furs of the man-eating carnivores that roamed the area.  And Fairest Flower was anointed with fragrant oils and strings of wild flowers.  When Ruler Seeki stepped out onto the patio of the palace and announced that the ceremony should begin, Fairest Flower came out and stood beside him.  Then, on cue, Fast Runner came out of his hut and marched to the patio, waving the fur of a white rabbit, a symbol of virility.
When he got to the patio and stood before Ruler Seeki, Fairest Flower let go of her father’s arm, walked over to her betrothed and took hold of his arm.  With that gesture, the ceremony began.
With great fanfare, Ruler Seeki began reciting the ancient words that bound a man to a woman and a woman to a man.  Just as he got to the part where Fast Runner would proclaim his love and loyalty to fairest Flower, a cry went up from some of the people near the water’s edge.
Displeased by the outburst, Ruler Seeki no less had to stop the ceremony to see what was exciting his people.  But what he saw made him forget about anything else.
A dark cloud had materialized far out over the lake.  That in itself was unusual because the rest of the sky, from horizon to horizon, was clear and sunny.  He watched as the cloud approached the land, getting darker and more menacing as it drew closer.  When it finally stopped about a quarter of a mile off-shore, it began to spin.  The rotation was slow, at first, but it quickly built up momentum and was soon a blur of water and mist.
The entire tribe stood transfixed as a dark funnel dropped down from the belly of the cloud and snaked its way to the surface to the lake.  As soon as the tip of the funnel touched the water, there was a brilliant flash of light that temporarily blinded the onlookers and a tremendous clap of thunder that shook the ground.  Then all was silent as the mist dissipated and the cloud evaporated. 
But they were shocked again when they saw a golden creature coming across the water toward them.  It wasn’t walking: it seemed to be gliding over the water.  As it neared the beach, the people began backing away, fearful that the god would claim them for a sacrifice.
When the creature reached the shore, it stepped out onto the sand and walked to within a few yards of the wedding party.  Then, with a booming voice, it said, “Fairest Flower shall be my bride.”
Ruler Seeki was shocked into silence. 
But Fast Runner stood tall and said, “She is my woman!  You have no claim on her!”
The creature took a step forward and said, “We shall see.  Step aside and let me have her or you’ll pay the price, Fool.”
Fast Runner stood firm.  “No!  You’ll have to take her from me.”
With a booming laugh, the creature waved his arm toward the sandy beach.  “As you wish, Mudman.”  He began walking back toward the lake, beckoning Fast Runner to follow.
Fast Runner didn’t hesitate.  He wasn’t going to let anyone take Fairest Flower from him, not even a god.
When the two of them were facing each other at the water’s edge, the creature put hand on the hilt of his dagger and said, “You’re a fool.  No mortal has ever beaten me in combat.  Save yourself and walk away.  Fairest Flower is destined to become my woman.”
Fast Runner tossed off the wreaths of flowers and said, “Does a god need a dagger to beat a mere mortal?”
The creature paused a moment, taking measure of Fast Runner.  Finally, he took the scabbard from his belt and threw it on the ground.  Then he began taking off the golden shell that covered his head and body.  The people stood fascinated as the god took off everything but his golden loin cloth.
Within a few minutes, the creature had turned into a handsome man with golden hair that fell to his shoulders.  He was as tall as Fast Runner but had a wider chest and thicker arms. 
When he was fully uncovered, he faced Fast Runner, again, and said, “I need nothing but my hands and my strength to defeat you, Mudman.  I give you one last chance to save yourself.  Walk away and live.”
Fast Runner didn’t bother responding.  He crouched and held his arms out, readying himself for the fight.
Golden Man did likewise, and the two of them began circling each other, looking for an opening.  Then, suddenly, the Golden Man kicked out, catching Fast Runner on his left hip.  The blow was so unexpected and powerful that Fast Runner was thrown off balance for a moment.  Golden Man pressed the attack by lunging forward with a punch that was meant for Fast Runner’s face. 
Fast Runner saw the strike coming and instinctively twisted to his right, intending to go full circle and strike out with his left foot.
Golden Man’s blow glanced off of Fast Runner’s shoulder, and his momentum put him off balance.  He saw Fast Runner’s foot coming at him, but he couldn’t recover fast enough to avoid the impact.
Fast Runner’s foot struck Golden Man’s right thigh, buckling his leg and forcing him to one knee.  But Golden Man quickly recovered and swung away in time of dodge a second kick that would have struck the side of his head.
Fast Runner let the momentum from his missed kick carry him around so that he was facing Golden Man, again.  By that time, the god had gotten up and was back in an attack position.
The two of them circled each other, looking for an opening. 
It was Fast Runner who struck out, first.  He feigned a punch with his right fist then quickly struck out with his left.  The move caught Golden Man off guard and the blow caught him squarely on his jaw.  He reeled backwards and struggled to regain his balance.  But Fast Runner continued the attack with a kick meant for Golden Man’s stomach.
Still off-balance Golden Man none-the-less saw the kick coming and jerked to one side. The kick only glanced off of his hip.  He was still dazed by the blow to his face and backed away to let his head clear. 
Seeing his opening, Fast Runner lunged at Golden Man, intent on landing another punch to his face.  But when he was halfway through his swing, Golden Man swiveled around and kicked out behind him, catching Fast Runner solidly in his stomach.  Fast Runner’s punch missed and the blow to his stomach knocked the breath out him.  He doubled over and fell to his knees.
Golden Man, still dazed, failed to follow through and Fast Runner was able to get back onto his feet. 
Then both of them began circling each other, again, looking for an opening.
The battle continued as the people watched in awe.  They had formed a large circle around the combatants and cheered whenever Fast Runner seemed to have gotten the upper hand.  And they groaned when the god got in a blow.  But they were thrilled to be witness to a battle between their best warrior and a god from the lake.  What impressed them most was the fact that Fast Runner was holding his own against a god.  They had expected the fight to be a quick one, with Fast Runner losing, and the god claiming Fairest Flower.
However, the two combatants fought on, each getting in punches, kicks and jabs.  There were several times when it looked like one or the other was winning.   But, each time, they would recover and come back, seemingly more determined than ever to win.
The fight went on into the night, and the people built bonfires to light the combat zone.   Captivated by the fight, Ruler Seeki had a chair brought out so he could watch in comfort.  Queen Ril and Fairest Flower stood beside him, supplying him with food and drink as the night wore on.
Finally, at early dawn, Golden Man feigned a kick but quickly swung around and caught Fast Runner in his throat with the side of his hand.  Fast Runner instinctively lashed out, but his windpipe had been smashed.  He fell to his hands and knees, gasping for air that wouldn’t come. 
Golden Man knew that he had struck a fatal blow and stood back to let his opponent die. 
In one last effort, Fast Runner looked over at Fairest Flower with a look of apology.  Then he fell to the ground and stopped moving.
The people were stunned into silence.  The god had defeated their best warrior.  Now they waited to see what would happen, next.
Golden Man had fallen to his knees when he was sure Fast Runner was dead.  He had never gone up against such an opponent and knew that he could have been the one on the ground.  When he got his breath back, he stood up and walked over to where he had shed his outer covering.  Then he slowly and methodically fastened each part to himself.  When he was finally done, he picked up his dagger and stuck it in his belt.  Then he walked over and stood before Ruler Seeki.
Ruler Seeki was too terrified to speak.  This god had defeated his best warrior. 
But Golden Man pointed a finger at Fairest Flower.  “I claim your daughter as my woman.”  He looked around.  “Is there anyone else foolish enough to challenge me?”
No one spoke up.
Finally, Ruler Seeki said, “No one challenges you, God.  My daughter is yours to take.”
With that command, Fairest Flower stepped forward and lowered her head.  And when the god put his hand out, she reached out and took hold of it.  Then she meekly walked beside him as he led her to the water’s edge.
When Golden Man got to the water, he turned and said, “Fast Runner was a worthy opponent.  I honor his bravery, and so shall you.”  He pointed to a knoll a short distance up the shore.  “You shall bury Fast Runner on that hill.  By-and-by his spirit will cause a tree to grow in the hallowed dirt.  And this tree will lift its branches to the sky, giving honor to the memory of Fairest Flower.  And this tree shall be called Willow in my honor.  And by-and-by this mighty tree will produce seeds that will be carried far and wide by the four winds.  And these trees will grow by a water’s edge where they can continue to pay homage to a great fallen warrior and his lost love, Fairest Flower.  I decree it, and it shall come to pass.”  With that, he took hold of Fairest Flower’s hand, again, and led her out onto the water.
The people stood silent as the god and their princess glided out over the water.  As they watched, another cloud began to form where to last one had appeared.  Then the cloud began to rotate, faster and faster.  They stood in awe as the god and Fairest Flower neared the funnel that was beginning to drop out of the cloud’s belly.  Then suddenly, the funnel leapt downward and there was a brilliant flash of light and a tremendous explosion that shook the ground. 
When the people could see, again, the funnel was gone and the cloud was dissipating.   And the god and Fairest Flower were nowhere to be seen.  They stood there for a long time, trying to come to terms with what they had witnessed.
Finally, Ruler Seeki stood and addressed his people, “We have seen a miracle this day.  My daughter has gone to live with the gods.  It saddens me to lose her, but this is the way of life.  Even as your great ruler I must obey the Golden One.  We shall honor Fast Runner as we have been instructed.   He was, indeed, a worthy opponent for a god.”
The people cleaned Fast Runner and anointed him with fragrant oils.  Then they wrapped his body in animal furs and buried it in the knoll the god had pointed to. 
The people had doubts as to whether Fast Runner’s soul would produce a tree and soon lost interest in the matter.  However, a week later, a sprout appeared over the gravesite.  Not sure if a weed had sprouted there by coincidence, they kept a close eye on it.
But the spout did grow to be a tree.   And the tree’s branches did rise up to the sky.  And it seemed to them that the tree was paying homage to a lost love.  And they began called the tree “Willow,” as the god had decreed.
Willow grew with each passing day and reached further into the sky.  But as the summer season waned, its limbs began to sag.  The people became alarmed, fearing that if Willow died, the god would exact a revenge. 
However, Willow didn’t die.  But its limbs continued to sag until the tips touched the water nearby.  It seemed to the people that, rather than pay homage to the god, Willow was reaching down to touch the water that had taken Fairest Flower away.  Touched by Willow’s sad plight, the people began calling the tree “Weeping Willow.”
The season passed as did the years.  And, as the god had decree, Weeping Willow produced seeds that were scattered far and wide by the four winds.  And, of course, the trees grew only where the limbs could touch bodies of water and continue to reach out to Fairest Flower, that she might one day return.
To this day and forever more, weeping willows will grace our land to remind us that true love may be lost but not forgotten.  That is the saddest but sweetest memory a person can take to the grave.





Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group

A Gastronomical Misadventure

A Gastronomical Misadventure

One day, my Pa had some extra money from making shine and, being in a good mood, he gave me some and told me to go out and get myself a good meal.  So I decided to go to one of those fancy-shmancy places where you have to wear a shirt and shoes.
When I arrived at the place, a man came over and told me that I had to have a jacket in order to get into the restaurant.  When I told him that I didn’t have one, he went into this room and came out with a spiffy jacket with gold buttons on the front.  He helped me put it on then led into the restaurant. 
As we walked among the tables of folks eating their grub, I noticed that a lot of them were staring at me.  I sure was glad that I thought to comb my hair before I left the trailer.  I figured it was natural for those fine people to be curious about a good-looking fellow like myself wearing a fine jacket with gold buttons.
The guy took me to a table right next to the swinging doors where the waiters came in and out with trays of food.  I was amazed that he would give me such a special table.  The clatter of noise in the kitchen made me feel right at home.
Then a waiter with a towel over his arm came over and put a menu in front of me and asked me if I would care to order.  I looked at all of the meals listed and saw that they were written in some sort of foreign language.  But, luckily, there were pictures of the food. 
I pointed to one that looked okay and said, “What’s this?”
He said, “That’s vichyssoise.  One of our finest meals.”
I said, “Yeah.  But what is it?”
He gave me a funny look and said, “It’s basically potato soup.”
Well, I love potato soup so I said, “That sounds good.  I’ll have that.”
The guy wrote down my order on a small pad and walked off. 
A moment later, another guy came by with a glass of water, a bowl of salad, a cup of coffee and some long, narrow pieces of bread.
The coffee was hot so I had to pour some on my saucer to let it cool a little, first.  Some of the people around me looked over as I slurped it, and I figured they were out of coffee and were upset because I was getting better service.
Just as I was finishing the last piece of bread and the salad, the waiter brought my soup.  It sure smelled good.  I couldn’t wait to dig into it.  But when I put the first spoonful in my mouth, I had to spit it out.  The darned stuff was cold.  I couldn’t believe that such a fancy-shmancy restaurant would serve cold food to its customers.  Well, let me tell you: I called the waiter back over and gave him heck.
I said, “This stuff is cold.  What kind of a place is this, anyway?”
He rolled his eyes and said, “But, sir….”
I wasn’t about to take any lip from him and cut him off.  “Don’t ‘But, sir’ me.  I demand to see the owner of this place.”
He gave me a defeated look and stalked off.
A little while later, the waiter and another gentleman came over to my table.
The man said, “What seems to be the trouble, Sir?”
I pointed to the bowl of soup.  “This potato soup is cold.  I’m not going to pay good money for cold food.  What kind of a place is this, anyway?”
The man gave the waiter a knowing look and said, “Have this taken away.  We can’t have our best customers complaining about cold food.”  Then he turned to me.  “We value our customers, Sir.  I’ll tell you what.  Go ahead and pick out something from the desert tray, and you can have it gratis.”
Not familiar with foreign languages, I asked, “What does gratis mean?”
Smiling kindly, he said, “That means you get it free.  It’s the least we can do for a fine gentleman like yourself.”
Somewhat mollified, I nodded.  “Okay.  Let me see what I want.”  I opened the menu and looked though the desert section.  I pointed to a picture of ice cream with cherries on it.  “This looks good.  I love cherries.”
The man looked pleased.  “Very good, Sir.  That’s Cherry Jubilee.  I’m sure you’ll find it very satisfying.  It’s one of our finest deserts.”
The waiter scowled and took away the bowl of cold soup.  I had a suspicion, then, that I was going to have more trouble with that guy.
Then the other waiter came back with more coffee and bread.  As I saucered and slurped the coffee, the people around me began staring at me, again.  I understood how they felt because I wasn’t particularly happy with the service, either.
However, I was willing to let bygones be bygones because they were giving me free desert, after all.  So when the waiter brought me the cherry desert, I didn’t make any snide remarks.   
He set a dish of vanilla ice cream in front of me.  Then he put a pan of cherries in a sauce on a bracket and squirted something on it.  It looked delicious.  I couldn’t wait to try it.  But then, to my surprise and horror, he lit a long match and set my desert on fire.  I was so shocked that I instinctively picked up my glass and tossed the water onto the flames.
The waiter was shocked, as well.  He probably didn’t expect someone to act so decisively to avert a disaster.  He said, “But, Sir….”
I cut him off, again.  “’But, Sir,’ my ass.  You did that on purpose because I told on you about the cold soup.  Well, I’m not going to sit here let you make a fool out of me, again.”  I got up and stormed out of the restaurant.  And not a single person dared get in my way.
I was halfway back to my trailer when I began to calm down.  Thinking about it rationally, I had to admit that it hadn’t been too bad.  I got two great cups of coffee and a lot of bread and a salad.  And, best of all, I got a spiffy, new jacket.  All gratis.  That means for free.



Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

The Fisherman

The Fisherman
(A step poem)
In days of yor
On a far, rocky shore
He cast his sturdy net wide
Far out upon the early morning tide
Of catching men was not his fervent wish
All he wanted was a slew of tasty fish


Click here to view novels by A. E. Lawrence

Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group

Long Astray

Long Astray

You can never go back home
Once you've been long astray
The girls have gotten fat and ugly
And the boys have all run away

Click here to view novels by A. E. Lawrence

Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group

Pearly Gates

Pearly Gates

Standing at the Pearly Gates
Angels standing in a row
Feathers all aflutter, halos on straight
All dressed up and no place to go

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Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group

Blue Mondays

Blue Mondays

Blue Mondays are back to work or school.
While Tuesdays through Thursdays are kinda cool.
And Fridays bring visions of weekend fun,
With Saturdays and Sundays to bask in the sun.
But being behind concrete and bars, never to be free,
Makes every single day a blue Monday for me.


Click here to view novels by A. E. Lawrence

Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group



Sunday, May 8, 2016

Bobby No-Nose

Bobby No-Nose

Once upon a time there was a twelve-year-old boy named Bobby.  Now, Bobby wasn’t really a bad boy, he just had a propensity for getting into trouble.  Although it must be said that he had never committed any serious offenses.  And he was blessed with a knack for talking his way out of his predicaments. 
But his luck ran out one day while he was in his back yard playing with his new slingshot.  He had set up a row of empty food cans on a plank resting on two cinder blocks and was doing a good job of knocking the cans over, one by one.  He was getting rather good and was proud of himself.
However, his success led to carelessness, and he shot off a stone without taking careful aim.  And, much to his alarm, the stone went over the fence and shattered a window of the house next door.  Afraid that he would get into serious trouble, he quickly took the cinder blocks, plank and cans and hid them in his garage.  Then he went into the house and began working on his homework as if nothing had happened.
Everything was fine until his neighbor came home from work and saw the broken window.  Suspecting who the culprit might be, he went next door to confront Bobby.
It just so happened that Bobby was in the back yard taking out the trash for his mother.  When he saw the neighbor coming, he thought about hiding in the garage.  But the man had already seen him so he had no choice but to wait and see what would happen.
The man walked up him and said, “Bobby.  Did you break my window?”
Bobby didn’t want to admit to it so, with a straight face, he said, “No, Sir.  I did not break your window.”
Just as he said that, a big bird swooped out of the sky and bit his nose off.
Bobby was shocked by the sudden loss of his nose, but he quickly recovered and chased after the bird, determined to get it back.
The bird was so startled by being chased that it dropped the nose, which fell onto the grass next to a tall tree.
Bobby ran toward his nose, happy that he was about to get it back.  But just as he got within twenty feet of his nose, a squirrel came out of the tree and grabbed it in its mouth, thinking it was an acorn.  Then it sped back up the tree and out of sight.
Although distraught by the loss of his nose, Bobby had no choice but to learn to live with it.  The worst problem he faced was when he tried to talk.  Without a nose, he could only say, “Whoosh.  Whoosh.  Whoosh.”  And the kids in school began to tease him because when asked a question by the teacher, all he could say was “Whoosh.  Whoosh.  Whoosh.”  It was a very depressing situation. 
But luck was on Bobby’s side.
One day a doctor came to his house and offered to make a new nose for him.  The doctor called it a prosthetic nose, which he claimed would be just like a real one.
Bobby was overjoyed and agreed to let the doctor make a prosthetic nose for him.  Actually, all he could do was nod because when he tried to talk, all he could say was, “Whoosh.  Whoosh.  Whoosh.”
When the day finally came that he got his new nose, he was delighted to see that it looked just like his old one.  And, now, instead of saying “Whoosh.  Whoosh.  Whoosh,” he could speak normally, again.
In fact, now that he had a nose, again, he began making a lot of new friends at school.  And a pretty girl in his class, named Betsy, began flirting with him.  Life was looking up for the lad.
But, unfortunately, it wasn’t to last.
Intent on asking the girl to go on a date with him, he went to her house one afternoon, bearing a box of candy.  When she answered the door, he handed her the candy and said, “Hi, Betsy.  Would you like to go the movie Saturday?”
Accepting the candy, Betsy smiled and said, “Hi, Bobby.  Thanks for the candy.  Yes, I certainly would like to….”
Just then, Bobby sneezed…and his prosthetic nose shot out and hit Betsy right between her eyes.
She screamed, dropped the box of candy and ran back into her house.
Shocked and disappointed that he had not only ruined his chances of dating Betsy but had also hurt her, he picked up his nose and headed back to his house.  The more he thought about it, the more it became apparent that his prosthetic nose was too dangerous to wear, especially when talking to people.  So he tossed it into the bushes. 
From that day on, whenever Bobby tried to talk, all he could say was, “Whoosh.  Whoosh.  Whoosh.”
So let that be a lesson to you.  If you ever decide to lie, make sure you look up to the sky to make sure the Lyre Bird isn’t waiting to lop your nose off.

Copyright © 2016 Lawrence Entertainment Group