Great New Artists:Prose & Poetry Billboard: Fable of the Doomed Tightwad

Fable of the Doomed Tigthtwad

In this silly, pathetic condition we call life

Lived a miserly man and his ugly, old wife

This tale would be boring except for one fact

About his money, the guy seemed too whacked.

Year after year, the paychecks he would cash

Then directly for home he would faithfully dash

Entering and running to the cellar door

He would toss the money and watch it soar.

Eventually, the cellar was filled up to the gunnel

You couldn’t add more money with a great big funnel

It’s then that Tweedle suddenly went mad

He couldn’t believe all of the money he had.

Jumping in feet first and swimming about

He sang, whistled and gave a loud shout

His wife was so worried, she called 911

Then back to the scene she started to run

The cries she heard then were fearful, indeed

She got on her knees and prayed he be freed

Then the sounds diminished as time slowly passed

Then the emergency service arrived at long last.

She explained the problem as best she knew

And the firemen descended with the entire crew

At first, they joked and heehawed out loud

But as the day dwindled, they drew a large crowd.

It grew later and later: their effort became slack

Not even the hounds could pick up his track

Poor Mr. Tweedle was lost beyond all hope

There wasn’t the slightest chance of finding the dope.

Be patient, attentive and hold your composure

I promise this fable will soon have its closure

Upon egress from the money-filled basement

The fireman shrugged and leaned on the casement.

After thinking a moment to consider his conclusion

He turned to the woman to clear up the confusion

“We looked, and we looked, but no body was found

Though we shoved and pushed all that money around.”

“Eventually, we realized it was useless to look

After we searched every single cranny and nook

It was, and this certainly is not meant as a crack,

Great New Artists:Prose & Poetry Billboard